Return?
[Update: I did a quick update in the post since I thought that it has caused misunderstanding by readers.]
Well, I'm not still that good to return completely to the regular life or it's better to call it the old life style! In the past three days I almost stopped everything and started thinking deeply about my situation, my faults, the reasons for these faults and mistakes and ways to stay away from them after this.
As I had written, I finally ended up with the fact that almost all the reasons are outside of my control and somehow are caused by the environment and others. Our world is not that smart yet to handle the way that I had chosen to live!
By the way, I just give an outline of some stuff in my personal life just to let everybody knows why I'm leaving my old style and answer to some commenters for my last post.
One of the first reasons for my frustration, as I said, is my nationality. I don't expect many guys to understand my situation because there may be only a few guys with the same position as me. Somehow I'm lost in a point in the space between my country and the outside environment. Internally I can't qualify for the local laws that are always asking for some level of terrorism and externally many of the countries reject me or restrict me just because I'm from a terrorist country, the heart of terrorism actually!
Some commenters were talking about the old history and civilization of the country and were kicking the ball in the government's field but I completely disagree. Right now, less than %10 of my problems are by the government and %90 are by the people. I have to confess that many of people are somehow a terrorist, whether a terrorist that attacks bodies or a terrorist that attacks personalities. I'm sick of this second one!
A government is a sign of a nation, this is my opinion, and history and civilization of a country can't change it! We're living at the present and will live in the future. The past almost can't do anything for us.
The second reason for my problems is the fact that I was thinking much about ways to help others, help the world, help the humanity and help the technology. This is too bad in the 21st century. These were ideal for 5-6 ages ago! Now we're living in a new world with a new model and special relationship models.
My community contributions and my helps to the technology were just direct results of this passion. This was of course a one-direction path from me to the environment and I couldn't get anything in turn. I suddenly believed that what I'm doing can cost much money but I'm simply wasting it. My time is invaluable so why should I waste it especially for a community like Microsoft community where over %95 of members are just eating the content to make money. The parent company, Microsoft, is not an exception as well!
Recently I also faced with a situation where someone told me that "Heh, who cares about your activities?! We don't care!" and this had a very bad effect on my mind. Why should I waste my time and energy to provide content for such guys and they tell me such things? But I think that he was absolutely right! Comparing myself with some guys who were living in closed rooms and were using my content to improve their business, I had wasted my time! Why not going back to music and my Guitar rather than writing articles and blog posts? It's much more funnier for my spare times. Ok, let's ignore this part since it's the easiest way to avoid further confusion.
Beside this, there is another big parameter that duplicates things and it is my nationality again. If I was residing in many other countries then these community activities could lead to a two-direction path between me and the environment and I could benefit from it but here there isn't any fundamental for this. So I should stop this way until I can find a better position for such activities.
Here my decision was to stick with business after this and restrict my community activities to those that can help my business. I'll smoothly move to this goal. Man, it's Micro$oft community so you should pay for everything!
The third problem is the fact that I care much about moral things while these are also abandoned in the 20th and 21st centuries. I don't lie, I try to be loyal, I try to persist on what I've promised to do and such things. These are also some other troubles for me since others don't respect to moral stuff and suffer me. After this, I try to avoid morality as well.
My other concern was (and is) about the future of my personal and professional life and something related to the immigration thing that some guys had pointed. Unfortunately at the age of 23.5 and after passing very hard times in my life, I'm not still in my desire position and path to the future. I tried so hard to achieve this but unfortunately external parameters have stopped me. From 10 years ago and due to the traditional life styles in the country my parents were deciding for me. From high school days and then for the university and now for the military service. They've been forcing me to do what they want and what they think is right! And unfortunately all their evaluations and decisions are based on their traditional styles. Here %90 of people follow the same path in their life and you're not success (in their mind) if you don't go in that path so my parents forced me to be in that path.
From 5-6 years ago I seriously decided to break this tradition and fight against my very traditional society. I replaced the laziness terminology and dirty life in the society with many attempts and trying to live like a real human (if I don't define a human as a regular human!!). I did many things that others couldn't do before me in this country but I was still walking on my feet and my feet were still on this ground with that traditional society that can't stand such people! This duplicated my troubles. Everything was against me and everyone was against! It quickly turned out to believe that I'm unable to keep this up in this country. I had two options: resist and try to get out of the hell as soon as I can or live like others and enjoy things that are funny for them!
As you can guess, I chose the first one although at this point I think that I had a wrong choice! So I decided to resist and move from the hell to the outside. At that time I decided to get a temporary passport and get out (which was possible due to my status at university as a student but required their help for some legal reasons) but as of my great fortune, some problems didn't allow me at that time! But again, I resisted hard and tried to make things. I could get out when I was 18-19 and achieve many hopes that I had from the childhood days but they didn't allow!
However, I stayed and tried hard. I had no choice except trying and walking on fly! I had to pass the military service in order to get my passport and be able to apply for a visa. I passed (and am passing) this military service in a different way than others as well. Before the service I had great opportunities in the outside and from some big companies but unfortunately couldn't leave the country. Now at this point and when I'm this close to the end of service, I missed those opportunities and don't have such opportunities at all!
Anyway, hitting the end of this long period of pain, I recently tried to apply for a visa seriously and get out of the country. What the hell! I had planned to get out of the country in a short period (6 to 9 months) after finishing my service. Initial evaluations showed me that things are much harder than this and it would take much longer. Trying for my future, I wanted to achieve some goals in my life but such long delays don't let me at all. This is one of my other faults. I have some long-time plans. I had to choose easier goals in the shorter time.
How long can we live? How long do we try to make a better future? I've been trying since 16-17 and still don't have a stable point. How long can remain for me?
This was unacceptable for me. Yes, I don't have any support like many others to be out easily. I didn't have such a fortune as well in order to exempt from the military service like lots of guys who can. I passed a surgery when I was 20 that wasn't very necessary. That surgery could exempt me from the service!
I wonder how smart are these guys around the globe. I feel that I'm living in 15th century when I have to waste at least two years just to get a temporary visa for a country! See how stupid is our world!
How to work around this? Well, I decided to not try to qualify for a country. I tried to see which country qualifies for me! After these years of attempts, at least I'm able to have a very small positive effect on the world behind me so rather than awaiting for the world to let me do this, I just look for a country that allows me get in easier and faster. If they're this stupid, let them be, I do my job! They'll fail one day, soon or late! There is no doubt that I'll be out today or tomorrow but I don't waste my energy anymore!
Before hitting the Publish button, I expect some commenters to believe my situation. By all the respect, no one can believe me unless he or she faces with this situation and wrestles with his fortune in a middle eastern country. I always got less than %5 of what I've tried for. To be honest, God never been with me to help me somehow. I didn't stay away and ask God to do things but he never helped me to at least get what I deserve to get! I could be a different guy if I had some positive parameters. Staying away and saying a few words may look like an easy job for you. Come and live with me to loose your energy 12 hours a day (from 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM) at military service and then get back to home to start your own life by fighting against everything! I'm a fighter, a fighter who fights with everything from the morning to the night! After this, how can you face with many failures in a few days suddenly?
Anyhow, let me get back to the life with my new rules. Life can be funny after this. There may be someone else who can care about such stuff!
[advertisement] Axosoft OnTime 2008 is four developer tools in one: bug tracking, project wiki, feature management, and help desk. It manages your development process so developers can focus on coding. Installed or Hosted – Free Single-user license -- Free 30-day team trial.
21 Comments : 06.03.08
Feedbacks
@Mohammad:
Thank you for the comment and thoughts. It's good to hear from some guys at the same position as myself.
But about the community contributions: this situation was different from what you think. You're %100 right about the feedback stuff.
Thanks again for the comment, Mohammad!
I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you. I've always thought your posts were good and I thought your book on VS was a good book that would be helpful to those needing a good introduction to VS extensibility.
It always seems that much more negative feedback is given than positive and that is unfortunate. I've received a lot of negative email for certain posts and it is hard to ignore that sort of thing. It is much easier to be critical of something than it is to create it or improve on it.
I'll never understand your exact situation since I live and work in the US but I do hope that things work out for you.
Playing the guitar is a good pastime. I wish I had stuck with it long enough to be good.
-Darren
Keyvan...
I've written posts similar to yours, although I thank God I was born where I was so I don't have the issues you discuss in addition to everything else.
When I write a blog post, it's as much for me as for anyone else. Do I want people to read them and think they're useful?... of course... and if someone makes money using something I've posted, well good for them. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing or change my life around because of what someone writes to me in an email.
Personally, I think you provide a great amount of information to the community, and I applaud your continued attempts to move forward.
-Dave
@Dave:
As I wrote for Mohammad, this seems to be a misunderstanding caused by my post. The situation was different from what you think, though.
You don't have to put down your people in order to stand out, I have seen successful Iranians here in the US and traveled twice to the country to see my wife's family. Iranians are educated, decent people who are trying hard to survive. You seem very confused. Get real
Keyvan,
Your situation does suck, and your correct that I can't fully appreciate it given my life experience. However, I can say your work has helped me a lot professionally, for profit. However I do a lot of work for non -profits at no charge. Your work has helped me there as well. So you are giving back.
As to the MS community, it's broken. You have blogged before about you think that is. And your correct. Other than agreeing with you, I have no words of wisdom.
Hang in there. You do make difference, and for every big mouth SOB how post negatively there are 10 lurkers like me who appreciate you efforts. And probably take them for granted.
Thanks
Tim
@Max:
I didn't do that. I never said that *all* Iranians are behaving this way. What I said is my personal opinion about over %90 of Iranians and speak it loudly in the society. This can be one of the reasons for my troubles as well. I have much respect for the Iranians outside the country as well some guys inside the country. But please do not forget that I see (and know) some facts that you may not know. A view from a guy outside the country (even an Iranian) should be much different from a guy inside. Moreover, many guys may deal with upper levels of the society but I have to deal with normal and lower people that are making %90 of the society.
However, thank you for checking in and sharing your comments.
@Tim:
The reason that I keep up my job, regardless of all the difficulties in my personal life, is those 10 guys. But sometimes you don't expect to hear some stuff from some guys. Hearing such stuff can disappoint you!
By the way, I'm glad to see that I could help someone somehow.
"there are 10 lurkers like me who appreciate you efforts" (snip).
I think this is more like 100. I know I am one.
I am unable to understand your situation very well, off course, however I know a few iranians where I live, and I urge you to continue doing all that you can to go elsewhere. Your life will change dramatically, and while you will never find it perfect, I think it will improve a lot.
On this topic, have you considered that this block itself may be an obstacle towards reaching that goal? Emigration authorities may know about your blog and the stuff you write about here. Just a thought.
@Nis:
Thank you for the kind words!
But I don't think they check this blog for immigration. They would have some important things to do even though everybody should accept his or her faults and I'm sure that they're doing wrong!
Pingback from Dew Drop – June 4, 2008 | Alvin Ashcraft's Morning Dew
I have to start by having a go at Max Allen who has also previously posted the most stupid reply one can come up with. Max thinks because his wife is Iranian he knows Iranians very well.
In general Iranians are not smart people as it has been said. Most of Iranians are either uneducated or have very basic education but probably half of the educated Iranians living abroad are successful in the world of science or academics. Iranian would behave towards foreigners in different manners than towards another fellow countryman. You can’t find any other nation on the planet that is so un-united like Iranians.
No Max, Keyvan is not confused in fact he is very smart to see everything so clearly and be able to make comparison and that is why he is in pain right now. Considering he is 23 years old he has very good understanding of the world in general I would say.
I’m not defending him because I might have benefited from his work in fact I live off my own efforts rather than profiting from someone else’s efforts and that is why I’m very selective to what I contribute to the community. I contribute enough so that I would never expect anything in return.
Keyvan, this is what I did when I was in your circumstances. I didn’t let those 90% (Iranians) ruin my goals in life. When things were at its worse I concentrated on my own projects and goals and I isolated myself from them. Not an easy job but when you have goals in life you can do it so easily. I assure you if you follow this trend you would never regret anything.
I’m not trying to preach you. Since I didn’t want to work for Iranians either I had very little financial resources to get by and most of the days I had only one meal a day to survive. I’m not a young man anymore but I still did it. There will be one or two people who will understand you and will support you.
I have no doubt sooner or later you will be out of the country, legally or illegally. You will see who has the last laugh you or the 90% of the Iranians who tried to bring you down to their levels. Some of us wouldn’t fit in the environment that is so unreal. Please don’t assume Americans or westerners have the perfect life either. Under the cover of democracy you can still engineer people to behave like robots too same as undemocratic regimes. This is not the best place to go in details about my meaning.
As you have seen from the reactions not many people can truly understand what you tried to say very well and you needed to keep explaining yourself, you don’t want that do you?
If you know a friend/family living abroad and you can trust your life with them then I can assure you that you can implement all your plans from your bedroom in Iran. Trust is another big issue among Iranians, isn’t it?
I might be able to help you but not as we speak but in the very near future in the mean while keep your head up young man and keep writing your feelings without posting them. :)
I’m not going to wish you luck because you are intelligent enough to change the course of your own life and you don’t need me to wish you luck. Your nationality is only a small setback for the time being. Please remember, even intelligent guys like you still need guidance because experience plays an important role in life.
First of all, I hope you could be more respectful to Max. I know what you think but things will be much better if we argue with others in a respectful manner. I didn't and don't expect him to understand this situation for myself or you but we wouldn't be impolite.
Secondly I have to thank you for taking time to write your opinions in such a long comment. I really appreciate this.
There is nothing else to mention in your reply because I totally understand and agree with your notes. Nowadays my main wish is to be able to get out as soon as possible to end this terrible hell.
Don't worry about Max, he will get over it :)
Because you pointed out to my comment directly I like to explain my mind again. I think at least half of those 90% you're talking about are victims of very bad situation caused by our political rulers. Their behavior has been changed through very bad years of war and terrorism. I never emphasize on civilization as something that can guarantee our life till the end of world; when I talk about our history I want to remind the good behavior in the past years.
Anyway, don't dirt your mind with such thoughts, try to end this fucking military service as soon as possible and then you'll find some new doors to escape this situation.
@Mahdi:
Thank you for your additional comments. But let me disagree with you again.
War shouldn't be a reason for such behaviors. I don't see any relation among these two. Wars, even worse wars, have happened for many other countries with worse affects but it hasn't had such results on them. A good example is World Wars! What did happen to Japan? Did we have a worse situation?!
But about the terrorism. Terrorism is what people have brought to the country after revolution. I don't care if they were just a few guys who led others because we're always responsible for our silence!
On the other hand, there is another kind of terrorism that targets personalities. Is this related to such reasons? Obviously no!
To be honest with you, I can't accept that we can compare the past behavior (even if I agree with you about its goodness) with current behavior. You know that there were very very low and limited communications among people in the society so we can't guess how they could behave in same situations as ours.
However, thank you again for your thoughts. The reality is the fact that I've missed these 6-7 years in any way that you think. Since my time is very important for me (more important that everything!), I can't stand this country and anything that comes out from many of the people who made this situation for me! And be sure and I don't forget this. World doesn't persist forever and one day I'll compensate their favors to me!
Last week I had two posts ( here and here ) regarding personal difficulties in my life expressing some
From the beginning of my military service every two months I’ve given a status of the service and things
At first glance the title of this post may be a little confusing for you but don’t worry since I’m going
Keyvan,
I'm sorry I'm only just catching up with your blog. I hope you're feeling more positive now as you're slightly closer to the end of your required service. I won't pretend to know how things are for you any more than my fellow Westerners, but I do know what it's like to be a soldier in the summer heat of the area and I know it's no fun to have someone else control your life and ignore your own plans. We've talked before and you should know that if you need assistance I will do what I can. Take care.
@Steve:
Thank you! Yes, I feel better now. Service is going to end after all the pains and these latest months are busy months outside the service!
Yes, serving in summer for someone who doesn't like this weather is so hard and it's also so hard to let others control you. We (all army soldiers) share this thing in common around the world!
I always appreciate your offer. I think time is the solvent of many of the stuff like this and I hope it solves them in my desire form!
Thank you, again!
#1
Mohammad Azam
06.03.2008 @ 10:33 AM
Hi Keyvan Nayyeri,
I can understand your situation. When I was living in my country it was also very hard to do anything. The problems stems from the employer who was only willing to hire a person because he knows some big shot. Also, it was painful to be a software engineer because every day in summer 8 hours a day there was no electricity.. yes every freaking day.
But anyways, I think we are much better off then some other areas where people don't even have enough food to eat and enough water to drink.
Now to your contributions! I think you have contributed a lot for the .NET community. I know you receive emails from readers saying "Great work!" etc. Off course, you might also receive emails that tells you that the article or the blog entry you made is not good. Well, there is no reason to be disappointed in that. I get those emails all the time. Just remember you cannot make everyone happy. And the users who send you those emails envy you.
Just remember that when you write an article or a blog post don't write it for the glory you just write it because you want to spread knowledge and help others. Believe me! your article/post has helped me numerous number of times (url rewriting example).
Getting out of the country. Well, I think it is a wise decision. The best thing about countries like US is that if you work hard you will succeed. That's it! All that is required is hard work. You are already a very hard worker.
So, don't get upset and pray to GOD that everything would be okay and you will see that GOD will open doors for you.
Take care,
Azam